Married and having trouble...advice please...

Me and my wife have known eachother since before i joined the Marine Corps. I recently just returned from Afghanistan, and I'am having trouble readjusting to married life. I enjoy the comforts of marriage and the support of my wife. Lately though i just feel like going on leave and seeing my friends and spending time with my friends without hurting my wifes feelings. I tried to enjoy myself on the Memorial Day 96, but i made my wife mad because, " i didn't call as much as i should have." Then it hit me that i think i just long for the single military life. Now im in a position that is effecting my train of thought in the work place. I also have started thinking that the only reason i want to still be married ( besides loving my wife) is that i enjoy living in a house and not the barracks and having someone there for me afterwork. Please anybody that has delt with feelings like this or who has made a decision with to go single or got themselves a straw... I'd really appericate the advice. Thank you.

Cpl Sosely

My advice man is to just talk to her. Tell her you love her but that you JUST got back from deployment and you're doing your best to adjust. Communication is key, it always helps. Honestly it just sounds like she really misses you. You've been gone for months and you just got back; it's natural she wants to spend every moment with you that she can you know? So maybe set aside a date night or something? So the two of you could spend alone time together. It might SEEM like you want the single military life, but marriage is always better. A wife in a house that loves you beats an empty rack any day. My humble advice man is to solve this problem as husband and wife. Things get better.

Hope this helped man. I'm actually heading out to MCRD San Diego next June so I'm pretty pumped. Good luck bro. Semper Fi.

Suggest going to speak with a Chaplain together to try and find out a common ground. Being away from her for so long and hanging out with your buddies seems fun at the time. But the bottom line is that you made a commitment when you got married. You may just have to relearn her and find out what you both have in common..

It's completely normal to feel isolated and disconnected when you get back. Their is a great book called "On Combat" by Dave Grossman that touches on some of these things. I've been through many of the same problems with my wife. Keep your head up and work through the transition.

Thank you Gentlemen for the help. Just to let you know i took the advice and am now back on the right track. Thank you

Im glad to hear things are going better for you now Jonathan. I have been gone from home for almost a year and will be back to my wife very shortly. The time between then and now has changed us both quite a bit. When coming back it is always hard to get used to being around each other again. Just as the military teaches you to adapt and overcome any given situation, you kind of have to apply that to your home life as well. As Khalid said, communication is key. It is a very important thing that many people fail to really get into. The Chaplain is another great idea. Sometimes the wives do not fully understand what the service members really deal with or how our mindset changes. I hope things continue to get better for you brother.

Try a returning warriors retreat that is offered through the Chaplains office. I have been told it works wonders and it is of no cost to you and it is in a nice place. I am going through the same thing since I came back from Iraq. I am planning a weekend with her to try and work this part out. We are in a mode of isolation which is normal. We are not the same people we were when we left. There are allot of references on IAVA.org to help out and it is updated. Maybe while your on that maybe you 2 can also get tickets or something to a game which are also free. Im taking my wife to a few MLB games and NFL games just the 2 of us and it seems to be working allot. I wish you the best of luck and hope you rekindle that old flame.