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| | There's a lot of posts in these forums, and it's a bit tedious to find any discussion on this. Thought I'd throw it out there as a headliner to make it easier for someone else to find.
I just happen to be a surviving spouse. My Husband was killed in Iraq 17 months ago. When you read this I don't need to hear the "I'm sorry" stuff--that's not what I'm putting this up for. Just like to open up a topic I don't see here yet. Besides, this is the only social networking site I've joined that actually has the "widow" option available. War is reality, damnit! I know there is more than just me out there. Unfortunately I have to acknowledge that there will be more joining this silent rank. So, if you've got the wherewithall yet, speak up.
I'm in Minneapolis, MN if it concerns anyone. I go to the VA, I work in an Eagles club (#34), I'm a Goldstar Wife, I'm aware of TAPS and the Patriot Guard. There all out there, and nothing seems more central or efficient to reach out to someone than to do it HERE. So lets talk.
Thank you MyArmedForces for putting in such time and dedication to connect all of us in the armed forces. Your site has come a long way since the beginning! 
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| | MY HUSBAND WAS KILLED IN VIETNAM IN 1969. I WAS 20 YEARS OLD. WE DID NOT HAVE COMPUTERS OR ANYWAY FOR ME TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH. I DID NOT REALIZE WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME. I WAS VERY NAIVE, FROM A SMALL TOWN AND DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE GRIEVING PROCESS. WE WERE POOR AND UNEDUCATED. I WENT "WILD"" AS THEY CALLED IT. BEGAN DRINKING AND DRUGING. I WANTED TO DIE TOO. ANYWAY THAT IS THE BEGINNING OF MY STORY. IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS TO FIND/SEEK HELP WITH MY EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS. I JUST FOUND GOLD STAR WIVES ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO AND JUST THIS YEAR HAVE FOUND OTHER SITES ON THE INTERNET FOR WIDOWS. I NEVER REMARRIED OR HAD CHILDREN. I AM 60 YEARS OLD NOW AND ALL MY FAMILY ARE DEAD EXCEPT ONE BROTHER. I FEEL LIKE I AM THE LONELYEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. I AM TOTALLY DISABLED, LIVE ALONE AND FIGHT SUICIDE FEELINGS EVERYDAY. GLAD TO KNOW THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ALMOST KNOW HOW I FEEL. I WILL CHECK OUT THE WEBSITE YOU LISTED... THANKS, PEGGY HILL RIDDLE phriddle@bellsouth.net
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| | I understand the loniliness and feeling of wanting to join my husband right now, rather than play out this long life without him. I'm grateful that you found Goldstar Wives, and I'm glad you'll look at the website I've suggested. I've been taking grief counseling group at my local VA, and that is what has given me what little information I know about.
What I'm discovering about the grief process is how personal it really is. All the organization in the world doesn't heal this pain. But learning that there is SOMETHING out there, and that we're not alone is a little nudge to keep going.
Your story is touching to me. I hope that you find more people who will listen and help you through your healing. Thank you for reading this and sharing! rustyrose99@yahoo.com
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| | Want to post the TAPS website: www.taps.org
This website has a TON of useful information!
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| | For anyone who has to post here, I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my cousin in this war I couldn't imagine having lost my now ex bf.
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| | To both of you, if you ever need anything, please message me. *hugs*
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| | It's pretty amazing how any of us continue through such a loss. But there's character that's built through this! It's nice to hear from you. I know I've put up a pretty heavy topic, but I know that there's people who need to talk. Or maybe some who just have some questions about what it's like to go through this. Honestly, it's a reality, and there's no harm in learning from each other. I'm no pro, just been through it now and if there's something I can offer that helps, hooray!
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| | This is my fear everyday of my life, as I'm sure it was both of yours! Yes, it is a reality we all have to face eventually and it's life. But I know from losing pretty much my whole family in different ways we wonder why it happened to us? Thoughts went through my head after watching my grandparents die by the age of 12 then losing my dad 3 states away unexpectedly never getting to say bye.....I used to think God hated me, or that I did something wrong. Over the years I have learned there is a plan for all of us. These experiences didn't kill me they made me a stronger person and more sympathetic towards other people's emotions. I am able to connect with people on levels not everyone can, and hope one day I can help somebody out. I cannot try to tell either of you that I know what you're going through having lost your spouses and during a time of War, and I honestly pray I won't have to for a long time. What I can say is I watched my mom want to commit suicide and watched what she went through without my dad and it was horrible. She met a great man and recently got married. Her journey in life continued and my dad will always be in our hearts. I can also thank you both for your sacrifices as military wives. I know we accept the sacrifices we are warned about when choosing this life, but sometimes I take it for granted. There won't be a day that goes by that I will not think of the 2 of you, or any other spouse that has lost their best friend. Please keep in touch and I am here if either of you get lonely. We can all use more friends!!! 
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| | Thank you Christina! Loosing anyone suddenly, and unexpectedly, is most certainly traumatic. You felt a lot of the same things I've felt since my loss; you witnessed a lot of the same behavior that is common in a traumatic death.
One thing Bobby (my husband) left in a letter to his best friend (Anathea--she's a friend of mine here on this site too) is realizing how he took a lot of things in life for granted too. I think it's good to step outside your self and remember what there is to be grateful for. And to let people around you know that you think of them and love them. For no reason someday, other than having a random thought about someone, make sure you let that person know that you are thinking of them. Since Bobby died, I have made it a point to call friends out of the blue just to tell them " I was thinking of you and wondering how you're doing, so I'd like to let you know that.". That goes for family too. They really appreciate it, and communication becomes much more meaningful with less guilt...if that makes any sense. 
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| | Yes it makes perfect sense. My husband gets home December 8th God willing (he's been over basically our whole year of marriage) and it is easier for him to take me for granted at times. I do as well, but I try to show him I appreciate him and send him stuff all the time. I think its easier for him to not show me because he talks with his buddies that understand what he's going through and plays computer games. Then he gets mad when I say something cuz he says he dedicates all his time to me.Not true but I let it go, I know he loves me and that he appreciates me.....I'm just saying how easy it is not to show it......we all do it! I think it gets hard at times for me because he's in the National Guard so we don't live on post and the closest wife from his unit is 45 min away! It's hard not having people that relate to me and eating alone everyday as Im sure you know more than anyone!! I guess it's an adjustment we all go through and I thank God everyday that my husband will probably return. I love this site because it links me with ppl like you, and I get all the support I need. Thank you!!
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| | God I HATED living on post! I didn't fit it at all...no kids and I was in school full time and working full time...I think everyone thought I was stuck up! I remember going to my first FRG meeting: there was like 50 women in an auditorium and I didn't know ANYONE! I ended up sitting in a whole row by myself, and when Bobby called me from Kuwait I was crying "..cause no one was nice to me.." Looking back it's kinda funny--but really, I wanted to go back home like NOW! (I lived on post @Ft. Riley for a short time). I'm so glad I moved back to MPLS before Bobby's death. I don't know how I would've done it without our friends around!
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| | Did he die in Kuwait? Eric is there right now, and I didnt think anyone died there! I'm sure they do I just never hear about it! I don't think I would fit in on post either, but I dont have anything to compare not having anyone that understands to. If this makes sense. I am so glad I have you to talk to. I know you were looking for widows and widowers, but you are helping me more than you know.
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| | Bobby was killed in Iraq, 3 months into his first tour. He was a .50cal gunner atop the #1 truck of his convoy (he was a Cavalry Scout). It was an IED blast. He was the only one hurt at that time. If you google in mine or his name it's all over the internet. I'm happy to answer questions for you. I'd rather you hear it from one horses mouth than to come to your own conclusions based on misinformation.
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| | Hey Miss Peggy..How you doing out there? You might not have as much interest in the forum, but if you have anything to chime in with, jump on in!
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| | I know you did not want the I'm sorry post..... But I am. I am proud of all the wives/husbands of all our deployed soldiers. I know of some of the terror you go thru and cannot imagine how I would get past my son dying over there.Its a possibility we all have but try to keep buried. Because of my closeness with my son and his deployments and his IED attack (unharmed) and his buddies injuries and deaths, I know some of the emotions you went thru. If I see the uniform at my door.....I don't know if I would answer it....if I don't hear it...it is not true.
I am a Ride Captain for the Patriot Guard Riders and cannot tell you all how proud I am of the families of these fallen heroes...I know the families serve too. Thank you.
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