Things not to say to a military spouse!!

Things not to say to a military spouse!!


Things NOT to say to a military spouse or girlfriend..

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're
afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of
our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the
front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're
scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little
annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have
been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious
single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the
shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more
capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose
to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose
husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in
Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and
dying over there.)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for
Christmas/anniversa ry/birthday/ birth of a child/wedding/ family
reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of
these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. For those with and without
children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us
plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking
massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is REALLY annoying to many of us whether our husbands are
deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days
until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and
again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN
and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments
you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we
figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But
it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our
guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes
away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks.
I totally know what you're going through."
(OK. Do NOT equate your husband's three week trip to
London/Omaha/ Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a
war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your
husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could
call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a
commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well,
paying for everything with an expense account. There is no
comparison. We do NOT feel bonded to you in the slightest because of
this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it.
Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip
is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible. )

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men.
There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province
on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise,
know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al
Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr
City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our
country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our
country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in
Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on
the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps
everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever
happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your
right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to
be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by
the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still
fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously... military spouses
learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something
greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like
simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have
dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most 'normal'
relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex
deprivation. )

13. "Well in my opinion..... "
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political
opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the
grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar
when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY
NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to
spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care
of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not
tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to
ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much
they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean
cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

last but not least....

14. "OH, that's horrible...I' m so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be
appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable
American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so
those wars stay abroad.)
.. / message -->.. sig -->
__________________
Support our Troops because without them we would have nothing

Thank you Christy,,didn't realize our love ones go through this. thanks for watching out for us at home.

Christy,
Although I am not a Military Wife anymore I am still a very BIG part of the Military and I would have to say that you are so on track with what you said... I remember when my ex was in Desert Storm(yrs ago) I know but I had the same question asked by many of people and really didn't know how to express to people that it's not just the guys that are going through all of this it is also the wife, Gf,parents,kids...... I am a Proud Military MOM and maybe one day another Military wife ( if that what the lord has planned) HOOOAH!!!!

I can not take the credit for this. I have many military spouses that send me things all the time and I try to post them as much as possible. This one hit home with me so I wanted to share.

Yea, but we must realize that there are lots of people who DON'T understand so we must educate them not chastise them because we feel they are asking stupid questions and saying stupid things. And I'm sorry but I guess I'll be one of the few, if any, to say that people that sign up for the military know they will get deployed. It's inevitable. And SOME volunterr. No, it doesn't make it easier but I feel as spouses/significant others/friends we should still be more understanding and not whine and complain so much....

Some Volunteer!!!,,is there a draft somewhere I didn't know about. I thought everyone who join the military volunteer. My rigger unit never got deployed, they don't need riggers in iraq. Telling spouses and love ones not to complain and whine...there are list of things the military needs to do to help our family.. too long to list here..wow..Just a girl...someone needs to be educated.

She meant some volunteer to get deployed, not volunteer to join the military.

oops,,i jump the gun too quickly,,shot myself on the foot on this one. thanks Dennis..sorry Just a Girl..

Thoses all annoy me. People will even ask if I knew he was getting deployed b4 we got married being that we married a month b4. Then they look at me like I knew so I deserve what I got. It wouldn't matter, we were still engaged to get married, the love wasn't any less, and we were pregnant with twins. I lost them both but I neeeded the insurance especially during complications. We were getting married b4 I knew I was pregnant. I hate hearing "I wish I knew what you were going through....." Who wishes to be young and alone and go sit alone at restaurants feeling like a widow? or being alone for your 1st anniversary or any of them? I work with this girl that said she knew what I was going through because her brother just completed boot camp and is going back for weapons training but will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas!! I was fuming, how do you understand? Its training and he's in the states! Thank you so much for speaking up for all of us! You hit how I feel on the nose!

My wife faced these type of questions every day, you should get this post out to the news stations so that every one can know what is ok and what is not, and to add in a little extra segment on what not to ask/tell a soldier when he gets back, the number one question that drives me up the wall is "did you kill anyone" or "how does it feel to have foughten for nothing".

Just posted this as a bulletin on my Myspace page as a reminder to my civilian friends. With the Holidays on the way these next few weeks I think there could be a lot of heartache saved when the conversation drifts toward one of the statements. Thanks for passing this on Christy!

My only problem with this is that I am a wife that is in the Navy and this post assumes that all military spouses are wives. Husbands that stay home and hold the fort are no less valued than the women that do the same thing. I just thing it would be nice to see something suporting the husbands that stay at home and support their wives that bust ass over seas.

Thanks for sharing this I'm going to send it to my girls!

Having lived through the Vietnam Era with a husband there - am I showing my age? Now helping my daughter with her Iraq-injuried hubby - and trying to support wives and girlfriends of those serving in Iraq and Afghanistan - I have heard these all and then some. I cannot believe the ignorant people out there. God bless each of you!

the sex one is something i learned. i have become immune to sex on tv. at a oint in time i got upset cuz he wasnt here when the scene came up now its " one day i will be able to have sex again"lol.