1st deployment...any advice?

Hello my name is amy and my husband is in the Army National Guard. He is scheduled to be deployed around june of next year. This is my 1st deployment and i'm nervous and scared. I am hoping to find people that I can talk to. I am looking into the family readiness group, but I would still like to find people to talk to (from both sides). Know what to expect from a wife's side and from the soldier's side. Thanks!!! :)

I'm not a wife but I have been through a deployment. It's not easy and you go through many emotional stages. You discover emotions you never knew existed. What I have learned was to be patient. When he first gets over there, they have a LOT of briefings and usually the internet isn't opened up yet. When it is, you have to get used to the time difference and after a few months they get settled into their routine and sometimes change shifts which can make them cranky. They do not work an 8 hour day.......

I have also learned from experience as well as from observing others, that midway through a deployment seems to be the hardest. They are tired of being over there. The newness wears off. It's getting old, etc. How do you get through this period? I don't even know because unfortunately (and I blame some of it on the deployment) my then boyfriend broke up with me via instant messenger midway through his deployment.

One thing that really helped me at the beginning was staying busy. If you have a job, become a workaholic. If you don't, get one, at least part time. Find a hobby. Spend extra time with your children. Take classes. Spend extra time with friends. Not sure if it is anywhere on this site but I think you can get this at your FRG or whatever it's called and that's a sheet that talks about the emotional stages of deployment. My ex, Mike, and I talked about those stages quite a bit and we learned what each was going through. It was very insightful and reminded me that we were "normal" =)

"Just a Girl" has some good ideas. Definitely take lots of pictures and send to him if you have access to a digital camera. I'be been through many a deployment and staying busy is definitely the key. That and communication with your spouse. Now of course, being deployed does present some challenges in that department. You won't always get to talk to him when you want and it's never the same as to how long it will be in between times that you'll get to hear from him. The only thing that is constant about the military is how often things can (and probably will) change. But be patient. I'd say that probably one of the most important things you can do for your spouse is to be supportive of him and what he's doing. Let him know that you're proud of him and that you support him no matter what. They'll never admit that out loud, but sometimes they need to hear that what they're doing while over there means something. You're going to have your moments of course where you'll curse the military for him being gone, but in the end, he's doing an important job and your support and love will mean more to him than you'll ever know! I'd say that they get easier with each deployment, but that in all honestly would be a lie. You miss them just as much on their 10th deployment as you do their first. But one thing that will definitely will change is that you'll be better prepared for them and know what to expect. Don't be afraid to use your base's resources! They're there for you for that very reason. Good luck!

Oh yes, exactly! Another thing I forgot to add was the support topic. When my now ex, came back from Afghanistan he was pleasantly surprised to hear that so many of us here in the states supported them being over there. He was saying all he heard was negative, negative, negative and felt him being over there was a waste of time. Remember not to blame the military, don't blame your s.o. instead, ACCEPT the fact that this is what they choose to do with their life and SUPPORT their decision to have joined. This is especially important if your s.o. VOLUNTEERED for a deployment.

I've only been through one previous deployment with my beau. Yesterday, however, he left for his second tour. I won't lie, it's a pain in the ass. I've been an emotional rollercoaster these past few days knowing he was leaving soon. I completely agree with Just A Girl though about staying busy. I just enrolled in beauty school, actuall, last nigh for night classes to ensure that I don't drive myself crazy while he's home, && I also work two jobs. Also, I started some what of a journal for when I do have time to think about all the things. I find it relieving to just vent and be able to be angry-upset-&&scared, because you are 100% entitled to feel that way. You have all rights to feel however you feel every day. I get mad when a girlfriend says "Oh, I haven't seen or talked to my boyfriend all day." All I want to do is say "Really? Oh that's too bad, because I haven't seen or talked to my boyfriend in over a month. Talk to me when your life is less dramatic than not talking to your boyfriend today." To write it down gives me the oppurtunity to feel and deal with all those things at a different level, and get them out in a natural way. As far as hobbies go, with two kiddies growing and learning new things every day, I'd suggest photography. Go treat yourself to a new nifty camera, and take pictures of the kids so you can send them out to your husband. Everything Just A Girl has stated is completely true. I've gone through it once, I'm going through it again now, but I'll be doing exactly what she suggested, because it's the only thing that kept me saine last time. Good Luck, Sweetie, && if you ever need to talk, please feel free to message me. That's why I'm on here !!

RaeLynn - xo0x

I know I can do it, I just worry about my kids, just the feeling of being alone. I am such a social person, the whole thought of this makes my tummy queezy.

My third deployement is coming up in a month. The first one, I had nursing school and that took ALL my time. The second deployment was the hardest. I was still taking classes but not as busy as before.....it sucked! This time I have my baby to keep me busy.

Everyone has some good suggestions. Being busy will definately help. I am planning on getting my closet organized......same for my house lol!

Good luck!

Feel free to hollar at me. We can be deployment buddies. :D

When I was deployed letters where what I lived for every night. If you write him a letter and send it every few days he will love it. Start one day and add a little more every few days, then send it. Also care packages and pictures, many many pictures, expecially if you have kids. On christmas, send him a decoration or two, during halloween send him a small pumpkin and some halloween candy, stuff that makes him feel like he is still in the states. I hope this is helpful, good luck and remember, when the times seem the worst that is when he needs you the most.

I am on my second deployment. I have been married for both and I now have a daugther during my second deployment that turned four while I was were. Communicate to him as much as you can, letter or email. Let him know whats going on, what are the kids doing. Hvae the kids do art or write to him if thye can. I love all the artwork my wife sent me from my daughter. Pictures too. This way even thought i am not there i can see what my daughter is doing and how she is growing. But also be selective of the things that you tell him, there is alot of shit happening over here and we have to keep our head in the game. My wife was good about not telling me about the bathroom that flooded, how my mom was frustraing her, the minor car accident she had. My wife handled all those things and told me about them after she had resolved them so that i can keep my head in the game here and not worry about how she was goign to fix these things at home with out my help. Also don't be frustrated if he does not tell you everything he is doing, this frustrates my wife, but there are thing we are doing that we really can not talk about. Care packages also especially homemade cookies, brownies etc... My wife on the weekends with my daugther would bake me a small batch and then send them over, if made my wife and daughter feel good about making me something and i felt the love they were made with. I got a rep of having the best home backed goodies here and i alwys shared with my freinds here, it brightend our day. It is not easy for either one of you and both of you will change but you will make it through, me and my wife have been married six years and we are still going strong after two deployments. Hope this helps.

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I'm not a military wife but my daughter is. My advice is be strong for your children, keep occupied with either work, hobby or the busy family life that you will have. Be supportive of your hubby and keep the lines of communication very open. Write alot of letters, send pics and such.
Talk to other wives who have been through this already and don't get caught up in the negativity of some people, your husband is a brave man and be very proud of him. Good luck to you and your children, you can do this.

My husband is also in the National Guard. He just came home from his 2nd deployment, the 1st since he's been with me. I found keeping busy was somewhat of a help but not the greatest. I became active in the FRG and found one of the ladies to be the biggest help and had some great friendships form. I read Chicken soup for the Military Wife's soul, and other books wife related. I found myself alone a lot instead of out with my couple frpiends, but that was my personal preference. He just got home 2 days ago, and it feels like he never left, but at the same time we're different ppl then we were. I will talk to you more next week when I have time to really think about the best advice to give you. If you ever wanna talk message me or email me at Christinaracich@yahoo.com. Hope to hear from you soon!

Our FRG is about 2 1/2 hrs away. I wish i knew of more military spouses that were closer. I was talking to a lady the other day about deployment but was so snotty to me. I try not to think of the days left that we have, but it's at night when it really gets to me.

I'm going through my 1st deployment. it's been hard but it is almost over. thank God! i would say that you connect with ladies that are close to you who are in the same situation you are. it helps to have someone who can help you through the hard times and enjoy and celebrate when you get letters and phone calls. not to mention share information!!

You should be able to do a teleconference with the FRG during meetings. You get to listen in and ask questions. From there you can ask if there is any other wives that live by you. The closest wife to me was about an hour, but once a month we'd make plans and meet up on a weekend day for dinner. I know I am not dealing with a deployment now, but I did and it wasn't that long ago. If you need to talk I can give you ways to contact me any time day or night!? We all need to talk to someone who understands, and believe me it helps! My husband is transferring to active duty, but according to the guard he might be deploying again this year even though he just got back. Then after he gets back they will see if our financial situation is better and if not they will let him go active!! This is their way of keeping guardsmen because too many of them wanna go active because its so hard to survive these days. So, if this happens I may need a friend too. After all I wont have an FRG around or any other wives with deployed husbands this time!! Keep in touch and hang in there!

i am a few weeks shy of completing my 1st deployment. To be completely honest, the first 2 weeks were almost unbearable for me. It was difficult to transition from being together every day, to not. I did my best to "be strong" for him and not complain about what I was going through emotionally whenever we emailed or skyped. The weekday evenings were the most difficult for me, as I do not have children and my friends and I would usually only get together on the weekends. I did a lot of journaling to work through my anger, frustration, and loneliness. However, as I am only human, some feelings of unpleasantness did make it's way into an email here and there, but my s.o. was very understanding (as he knows this entire experience was just as foreign and new to me). From what i can gather, it seems as though our daily email correspondences help him feel connected to his real life back in the states. Throughout his entire deployment, there was always this void within me. I tried to fill it with random busy-work; I did things that I had always wanted to do, but would normally never make time for. So if you were to put a positive spin on things, I suppose you can say his deployment allowed me to learn more about myself, develop my own hobbies and interests, and grow as a person. I am excited he will be back soon, but like someone mentioned above, I know we will both be somehow changed by this experience.

I am a mom whose 19 year old left on June 29th for his first deployment! That was the hardest thing I have ever done! He is in Kuwait waiting to go to Diamondback....I saw him online the other day but got no response when i went to say hi to him!! Of course being a mom, I worry but a buddy's mom who I speak with regularly says her son said nothing bad has happened cause her son would have told her and she would have told me!!! They are going on a mission for a couple of days.....hopefully i will hear from him then but I know I have to keep busy but dang it's hard as hell!!