Post your favorite military joke.

Hi everyone
Does anyone know any military jokes? Please post here, and i will comment and best one will get a prize...ohhhh..

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

A US Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, “How long has your present employer been in business?” He thought for a moment, and then wrote, “Since 1776.”

LOL!! You top dog,,now lets see who can compete with you.

Three things you never want to hear in the Army: (1) An LT say "Give me the map." (2) A SPC say "Don't Worry, I know what I'm doing." (3) A Warrant Officer say "Check This Shit Out!"

here is a pretty good one- a couple of sgt's were talking and they tring to figure out is sex more work or more fun, they kept going back and fourth, then a pv2 walked by, one of the sgts said hey pvt, is sex more work or more fun? the pvt thought it over and said it was more fun, the sgt said why is that and the pvt said well if it was more work you would make a pvt do it.

a group of rangers are out on a river patrol on a cold night, god looks down on them and said lets make this interesting, i'll take away a quarter of there brain, they kept on going, ok god said another quarter, half ther brain is gone, they keep on going, damn god said all right another quater, 3/4 gone! they keep on going, all right god said, all of their brain gone, and all of sudden they start singing, be all that you can be....

Hah those are pretty good. Here's some more.

General: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.

Colonal: Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God.

Lt. Colonel: Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding B-B, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, and talks to God if special request is approved.

Major: Barely clears Quonset huts, loses tug-of-war with locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occaisionally addressed by God.

Captain: Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a weapon without inflicting self-injury, can doggy paddle, and talks to animals.

1st Lieutenant: Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.

2nd Lieutenant: Trips over doorsills when trying to enter buildings, says "look at the choo-choo," wets himself with a water pistol and mumbles to himself.

Sergeant (all grades): Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them, and freezes water at a glance. He is God.

Hooah

Hooah!

That last one is good...LOL

3 votes for Cory

that was great cory!

here is an oldie but a goodie, an infantryman is out in the field and it starts to rain, and he says "damn this sucks", a ranger out in the field with the rain up past his knees, and he says "i like how this sucks" a sf guy is out in field with the rain up to his neck he says "i wish this could suck more" and airmen in his room in the barracks and it's raining out he says " golly gee the cable is out this sucks"

a group of grunts are out in the field, pvt. joe snuffy rips a hell of a fart, and squad leader yells " keep yelling LT will find ya"

LOL don't be jealous of the chair force... I mean airforce!

Many years of harrassment for jumping out of airplanes let me to explain that the government knew who had the more dangerous assignment. I was paid $55 a month for jumping out of them while the Air Force flight crews were given $110 a month to stay with them.

Bill, I've heard a slightly different version of the Rangers joke you posted:

God and the Devil are sitting on a bridge when they spot a group of Rangers rowing down the river. With each stroke, the Rangers sing, "Ranger, Ranger, Ranger..." The Devil says " God, I bet if you were to take out a quarter of those Rangers' brains, they wouldn't be able to keep going." God snaps his finger and takes away one quarter of the Rangers' brains. Sure enough, they keep on rowing and singing, "Ranger, Ranger, Ranger..." The devil says "alright, double or nothing. Take another quarter out." God snaps his fingers, but the Rangers continue rowing and singing, "Ranger, Ranger, Ranger...." "OK," says the devil, "you've proved that Rangers can function with half a brain. Let's see what happens if you take out their whole brain." God snaps his finger again, leaving the Rangers completely brainless. They keep on rowing, but a different tune comes out of their mouths...
"From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli..."

I know one but I dont think u gonna like my english sense of humor...i think it would make u all upset so better keep my mouth shout lol

Gee thanks Dustin...

Ha thanks guys, that joke was pretty funny. I also like the Airforce joke that Will posted haha.